Showing posts with label China adoption story. Show all posts
Showing posts with label China adoption story. Show all posts

Monday

The Tea Party: Mom, Daughter, Mousie, and the Healing of a Broken Heart

I wrote the beginning of this article several years ago, and have used it a few times in other places to describe the moment I realized I was parenting in deep water. Here, for Mother's Day, I also describe the meeting that followed...
By Jean MacLeod


"Mommy, why didn't I grow in your tummy?"

I looked my three-year-old daughter square in the face and gave her the speech that I had rehearsed in my head for as long as she had been mine. The speech was short, gentle and sweet. I told her about her birthmother in China, how much she had been loved and how much we loved her now.

"But, Mommy, why didn't she keep me?"

I took a deep breath and explained that I didn't know for sure, but that it might have had something to do with the China rule about having only one child. I described a few other possibilities and ended with my proclamation of faith – that we were meant to be a family, that I was sure that her birthmother wanted her to have a family for always, and wasn't it wonderful that we had all found each other to love.

Coming down from my poetic rhetoric, I smiled winningly at the tiny figure in overalls and waited for my hug and kiss. What I got: a look of icy outrage, arms folded in haughty disbelief, and an attitude that screamed "what a load of c***!"

I was unnerved. This was supposed to be a mother-daughter bonding moment where we celebrated becoming a family. A moment of sadness was allowed, but then things were supposed to be joyful and loving. Why was I feeling like I had tried to tell a sixteen year-old there really was a Santa Claus? And how could a three year-old see through all of my carefully worded, positive explanations? I believed what I was telling her about her birthmother... why didn't she?

She didn't because she had lived her story and somewhere, deep inside, she knew the whole truth. My "old soul" little girl understood that a happy adoption is built on a heartbreaking loss long before I did, and she was cutting me no slack.

Clearly, my daughter's birthmother wasn't going to be explained away. I slowly realized that I would be living with a powerful ghost of another mother, and that this ghost needed to be acknowledged, embraced, and disarmed. My daughter needed some sort of a relationship with her birthmother, and she needed me to have an understanding with her birthmother, too.

So, I invited my daughter's unknown, invisible, Chinese birthmother to tea.

Properly, of course, with a formal invitation dictated to me by my three year-old. In the backyard, we set up a child-sized table with three place-settings: tea-cups, cookie plates, and party napkins. Another tea-cup was quickly added for a favorite stuffed mouse who was a late RSVP. Lemonade tea was rapidly dispensed (formalities like small-talk pale with the preschool set when real teapot pouring is allowed), and we got right down to business.

"So, birthmother," I said to the empty chair to my right. "How are you doing" I'm thinking you might be missing your little girl. I know she misses you."

My daughter nodded, and I asked her if she had any questions for her birthmom.

"Why did you leave me?" she asked directly to the space occupying the third chair.

"Why did you leave her?" I echoed. "Was it because you couldn't care for a baby? Did you have "big person" problems? It was a very sad thing for your baby girl. I think it might have been a very sad thing for you, too."

My daughter nodded vigorously.

We continued to chat about our day, the vast amount of Oreos eaten by Mousie, and the birthmother's magical trip from China. But my daughter was unusually quiet.

"Is there anything else you would like to ask your birthmother?" I inquired, watching her carefully as I pretended to sip my tea. My daughter went completely still, and I guessed at what she needed to ask and what she needed to hear.

"Birthmother," I said. "We want you to know that you are always welcome in our home and in our hearts. You are part of our family. But your little girl is *my* little girl to raise, and she will live with me until she is big and is ready to leave. You cannot ever take her back to China. This is her home now, and I am her mom, and I love her very much."

Then I left my child-sized chair to put my arms around the little girl with the enormous feelings; it is overwhelming to deal with big grief and big relief at the same time. In voicing my daughter's secret hopes and fears I had validated her connection to two mothers, and had begun my own long process of learning to deal openly with the painful side of adoption parenting.

The ghost? She still lives with us, mostly peaceably, nearly ten years later. We've felt her genetic legacy, as my daughter leaped into puberty. We've seen visions of her in the mirror, as my daughter grows into a beautiful young woman. Our joint acceptance of the ghost gave my daughter some power over her past, and allowed me to view the birthmother as an ally, instead of an enemy, during times that adoption compounded the emotional turbulence of adolescence. The three of us exist together, but only I remember that the three of us once attended a symbiotical summit meeting in the garden, and that we officially sealed our forever relationships with a splash of tea, and cookies.


Copyright 2008, MacLeod, All Rights Reserved
Jean MacLeod is author of At Home in This World: a China Adoption Story, and co-editor of Adoption Parenting: Creating a Toolbox, Building Connections and mother of three daughters, two of whom were adopted from China through Children's Hope. From one adoptive parent to another, Jean shares her wisdom here in the monthly e-news and in the annual Children's Hope Newsletter.

Tuesday

The "Call": A China Adoption Story

The anticipation can be excruciating. You hurry, hurry, hurry to get all your paperwork completed for your very important dossier and then you wait…wait and wait some more.

When adopting internationally, getting “the call” makes for a very memorable day. First you cry, then you ask for specifics about your child, then you call your spouse and/or family members and then you wait again. The referral package will come to you with wonderful pictures and medical information on your child. Whew!! Now that is over; when do I get to travel??

I can remember this day like it was yesterday. I received two ‘calls’: one when we adopted our first daughter from China in 1996 and then again when I adopted her sister in 1998. But this story is not about my ‘call’. On November 5, 2007, some very dear friends of mine got “the call”. Since they live in St. Louis, the whole family came into Children’s Hope headquarters to get their referral.

They did have to wait though. The medical had to be translated and other paperwork made ready before they could actually come in to see their beautiful daughter. It was only a couple of hours, but I am sure it seemed like a century.

How did this all start, you ask? Dear friends Karen and Curt Miller, along with their daughter Lauren, had just returned from China with their little girl and sister, Katie in May 2005. This family goes to my church and their daughter is in my daughter’s class. When they began their adoption process, the wait time from paperwork submission to referral was 6-9 months. Tom and Jeannette Eskridge were so smitten by Katie that they started the process, too. Tom and Jeanette have two sons, Kevin and Connor, and they wanted a little girl to complete their family.

For those who know, it’s not necessary to say - the wait time kept getting longer, longer and longer. I would see them at church and they would ask if I had heard anything. Even though I work at Children’s Hope International, I couldn’t tell them when they would get their referral - I did not know! Like Karen and Curt before me, I would have to say, “Just wait. God will bring your daughter when it is meant to be.”

I could always see the sad and frustrating looks on their faces when I told them this. When Tom and Jeanette started the process, the wait time was 7-9 months. Their paperwork was received and entered in China’s system on December 5, 2005. December 2006 came and went and they still had no referral. I think the wait for their baby sister was just as difficult for the boys. They were 9 and 12 years old when they began thinking about having a baby sister in the house, so they were old enough to have the same anticipation as their parents.

It got to the point when the wait was almost unbearable since everyone always asks, “When will you bring your daughter home?” This question is always said with good intentions, but when you have lots of friends and family asking, it can seem like you get asked every 10 minutes. Tom and Jeanette decided to try and relax and not talk about it very much. This is the typical course of action if you want to keep your sanity while waiting.

The first Sunday in November, I attended a baby shower for the family along with lots of friends from church, the kids’ school, and her friends and family. Yeah, you can guess what everyone was asking: “When will you get ‘the call’?”

As it turns out - the very next day. On November 5, 2007, exactly 23 months from their paperwork submission to China, the Eskridges received their referral of their daughter Kayla.

I was so thrilled; I couldn’t wait for them to come in to see her picture. They pulled the boys out of school and came into the office to ‘get their referral’! As you can see in the pictures, it was exciting for everyone.

Tom, Jeanette, Kevin and Connor traveled to China over the Christmas holidays and came home with Kayla on December 29, 2007. Most people wouldn’t want to be away from their families at Christmas, but what better Christmas present could you have than to be finally holding your precious daughter that you waited so long for?

Congratulations to my dear friends!

-- Pam Bischoff works for Children’s Hope International in

the St. Louis Office.

A Merry Christmas to All

During our 2.5 year wait for Nate, the holidays were the hardest for me. I kept thinking, "Will this be the year we get to see Christmas through the eyes of our child?" The answer was always "no"...until this year. We have much to be thankful for and the biggest thing is bundled in a 23lb package. This is how God answered our prayers for a child...

You prayed for help when we found out we needed $15,000 in adoption fees. He answered your prayers by providing us over $16,000 in just 3 months! He went beyond that by bringing many people together during the fundraising weeks.

You prayed that our baby would be healthy. Through Children’s Hope, God gave us a BEAUTIFUL, healthy 10-month-old boy. He is in the 90th percentile for height, is average weight for his age and the worst he had was a little cold.

You prayed that he would adjust to his new life easily....God answered you by helping Nate bond to his dad immediately and adjust to his new home within 3 weeks. He never had night terrors or bad reactions to new food... He enjoyed being with us and has slept through the night since day one.

You prayed that WE would adjust to our new life as parents... God gave us an easy child...a fast learner who helped us get into a routine quickly, professions that allowed us to be with him, and understanding/ patient friends and family who helped us during those crucial first few weeks.

Even through the long wait, Nate came to us at the right age, at the right time in our lives. Any sooner and we would not have received him. Not that we wouldn't have been happy with another baby...but we are glad that we have our son. He was worth waiting for.

I am so excited about Christmas this year. As I was unpacking all our decorations, I came across the stocking holder that we had bought over 2 years ago for our expected child. Each year it sat up on our mantel empty, but this year, it will hold our new son's stocking of goodies.

He is the best Christmas gift we could have ever received. And because of that, we named him Nathaniel, which means "Gift of God".

--Don & Denise Sullivan, AZ



Pictured on the left: the Sullivan's son Nathaniel. Pictured on the right: Denise Sullivan as a baby in 1968, during her first Christmas. “Now, almost 40 years later, my son gets to celebrate his. And wouldn't you know it? They still make those little Santa suits.”

Sunday

Daddy's Girl: Attachment and China Adoption Story

We had waited almost two years for this moment. I was only able to sleep for a few hours the night before. My husband Lance, our 9-year-old daughter Madeleine, and I were in Changsha, China to hold our little Leah for the first time.

After a twenty minute bus ride, we arrived at the Changsha Adoption Center. We were ushered into a large waiting room where all of our adoption group took seats around the perimeter of the room. Soon after, Chinese women carrying babies began coming in the door. As our adoption coordinators started calling family names, I looked across the room and saw a woman holding Leah.

I recognized her instantly from her referral pictures. As we waited for our name to be called, I was brought to tears as others in our group received their babies. When our name was finally called, Leah was brought to us by her nanny and handed to me.

Leah immediately started bawling. After about fifteen minutes of hard crying, she fell asleep in my arms. Our joy was slightly clouded as we watched the display of grief in Leah’s nanny. She could not stop crying as she watched us with Leah. We were told that she and Leah were strongly attached.

When we arrived back at the hotel room, Leah had awakened and was crying again. In the next two hours, she latched on to Lance, and would not let him go. She would not let me hold her or come close to her. I was not at all prepared for this rejection. I had never even considered it as a possibility. I told myself that all would be well the next day.

After a night of sleep, she once again only wanted Lance. We had to make another trip back to the Adoption Center to take our oath and legalize the adoption. It was hard to watch all the other moms holding their babies in the lobby, on the bus and at the Center, while I could only watch Lance hold Leah. When we returned back to the hotel, I was an emotional disaster. On top of my sadness, I began to feel a little angry at the situation.

How could this happen? How could my baby not want me? I had already successfully mothered Maddie, whose love for me is immeasurable. How could this happen?

That night I knew I needed help, so I made a long distance phone call to Brenda Barker, the Southeast Director of Children’s Hope. She explained to me that Leah was rejecting me simply because I was a female. Leah was not ready to trust another woman, given that the female she had always loved and trusted had just left her. Lance was different from her nanny on all counts, so Leah felt that maybe he was a safe bet.

Brenda told me what to do to get in Leah’s good graces. I should be the one to do the fun things, the things that she liked. If there were things that she didn’t like, let Lance handle those. She wanted me to always be the one to feed Leah, even if Lance had to hold her while I fed her. Lastly, Brenda said that we would see a different girl in three days.

She was right…each day Leah looked less sad, cried less and allowed me to get a little bit closer. By the end of the week, we were starting to see Leah’s happy personality shine through. Her eyes came alive. Leah then finally allowed me to hold her. It was pure heaven!

By the time we came home, I felt rather foolish for having worried. Lance had been so wonderful through it all. Leah is now playful, silly, bright, sweet and very loving but most of all we are grateful that Leah had a nanny who loved her fiercely and who taught her how to love.

--Amy Wilson, Tennessee

Thursday

"The Call", Waiting for a Sister and a Daughter from China

Two years ago on April 18th, our phone rang with some of the most wonderful news! It was referral day for our family and several others...on this day we first heard about a little baby just 10-months-old waiting for us in Fuling, China—a city we had never heard of, but now knew held a very special piece of our hearts.

It was the day before my husband’s birthday and I was home checking emails when I started to notice referral announcements starting to come. I called him and told him that he might want to come home a little early. Although he didn't make it before the phone call, both of our sons were here and very excited about their new baby sister.

Dianne Atteberry from the Kansas City office, as soon as I picked up the phone, said, “IT'S A GIRL!” She shared with me the beautiful name given to our daughter—Fu (name from the orphanage, means blessed) Ai (love) Yu (canopy of heaven). Our daughter’s name truly means what we felt then and what we still feel now....blessed, loved under the canopy of heaven!

From that amazing day until now, I have seen a very beautiful, quiet little baby turn into a beautiful, very talkative, very active little girl. We have been blessed to have seen and experienced a lot of her "firsts"—her first time crawling, her first steps, and her first words. I tell people often that I am so amazed at what she has been able to do in just a little over a year and a half. She can crawl, walk, jump, talk, color, sing, eat, play with EVERYONE, almost completely dress herself, put her shoes on the correct feet, go potty and she thinks she is a third grader! She goes into her big brother’s class and they have a chair her size, she hangs up her coat, and sits down waiting for the pledge and then proceeds to color or read a book. If we happen to be there when it is time to take the class to the restroom or go out for recess or lunch, she will line up just like them. It is very fun to watch!

I hate that we missed the first smile, the first tooth, the first roll over and the first time she sat up by herself, but truly feel blessed to have experienced everything else! To CHI, thank you doesn't seem to be enough to say to each of you for helping us bring our daughter home! Our family is complete and we are blessed to have had such wonderful people holding our hands and walking with us through this process.

For those of you waiting for "the call", it will come!!! I'm sorry each of you has to wait so long, but know that it is so worth it!

--Crystal Kovach, MO
The Kovach's blog: http://afterchina.blogspot.com/

Monday

A Hurricane Named Katrina

A year after deciding to adopt a child, Julie Laderer lost her heart to a little 3-year-old girl on the Children's Hope "Waiting Child" list. Hope of adopting a new daughter then sustained her through one of the worst natural disasters in U.S. history. (An abridged version of this story was published in the Summer 2007 Children's Hope Newsletter and is available online here.)

From the moment I was approved by China to adopt my daughter, I began planning on things that we would do together. There are a lot of things for kids to do in New Orleans, besides eating the good food; the festivals, arts and music events are quite exciting. I even bought a pass to Six Flags. I could not wait until we would ride the streetcar that passes in front of my house together.

With my home study completed, I filed with immigration in the beginning of August 2005, in the middle of hurricane season. Each year, New Orleanians go to the store and stock up on canned goods, bottled water, and batteries. We board up our windows, pick up the yard for flying objects, and wait for the hurricane to pass. Some people leave but some of us stay, because the hurricane usually turns and goes to Florida.

But this year was different, the hurricane didn’t turn. On Monday morning August 29, 2005 Hurricane Katrina struck. The electricity went out and the winds started blowing as the hurricane passed over the city. The damage was bearable: a small section of my roof was missing, a lot of large oaks and power lines were down, but only a small amount of water was in the street. We heard that the 9th ward was flooding from a broken levee. People were being rescued from rooftops which accounted for the multitude of helicopters flying overhead. We began picking up the debris in the yard and grilling the food from the freezer. My neighbors also stayed. They came over. We celebrated surviving the worst but knew that we would be without electricity for a while.

A Life Turned Upside Down

By Tuesday we realized that the water was rising in the street. Although moderately concerned, we continued to clean the yard and barbecue. Soon the water began to rise alarmingly close to our house.

At 3 a.m. Wednesday morning, my dad, mother, and landlady’s 85-year-old mother—all sleeping downstairs—called up to me. Water was in the house. We moved everyone upstairs. We listened to the radio and heard about a levee break at the 17th Street Canal. That was a good distance from the house and it was inconceivable that water had reached us from that break. We got up again about three hours later, went down stairs, to find the water was up to our knees. Our neighbors decided to leave. We listened to the radio and found out there was a breach in the levee and there would be another surge of water by 10:00am. We decided to leave, too.

In spite of the crisis, my whole focus was on my adoption binder and the pictures that I had framed of my daughter. I took nothing else. I helped everyone into an SUV and a truck. When we left, I had only the clothes on my back and no shoes on my feet. We cleared the street of branches and drove on the neutral ground. There were desperate people walking towards dry areas and trying to get out. Ironically, a few blocks from the house towards the Mississippi River, there was no water.

People were pushing shopping carts with their belongings. Some were looting. It was very chaotic and sad. We were very fortunate that we were not carjacked. Our plan was to get to the interstate and travel north to Ferriday, Louisiana. We passed truck after truck of waiting young men pulling boats eager to help with the rescue. I prayed for these young men. We passed where thousands of people were waiting for transportation out of the city. Little did I know, my cousin and his wife were among the thousands. They had to swim out of a window and waited on a neighbors’ second story house to be rescued. They eventually got on a bus after five days when my cousin’s wife complained of heart problems.

We arrived in Ferriday with no place to stay. We checked campground after campground. We found a Winnebago for rent, for the five of us and four dogs. Our group split from there, moving onto other towns with differing families taking us in. My adoption binder remained with me at all times.

I never thought my life would be this turned upside down. I looked up the CIS website and found out that it was unknown if my immigration paperwork in New Orleans was retrievable or if their employees would return. I cried for two weeks. I did not know when or if my adoption would go through, nor did anyone else.

I did not know if there was a home to go to. My parents live in Metairie a suburb of New Orleans.. My dad and I were able to get to their house, but we were told to leave at dark. My parent’s house flooded. My landlord’s mother’s house flooded. My parents’ rental house had 4 feet of water and their camp was destroyed.

We returns to begin the recovery process three weeks after the storm. I could not believe the devastation. Approximately seven blocks from the house, someone broke into a stately old mansion and then set it on fire. The whole square block was burned. Looking around for the first time, I knew it would take a long time for the city to come back. The destruction was so extensive, it did not look like my city. Military trucks, police cars, and emergency vehicles on the streets added to the eeriness.

When we went into the house, there was debris everywhere both inside and out. I lost clothes, shoes, pictures, and anything that was on the first floor. My mother’s bedroom set from when she was a little girl, meant for my daughter’s new bedroom, was also destroyed. We ate military issue MRE’s (meals ready to eat), as there was no electricity nor restaurants open.

The electricity did not come on until October 8, and the gas weeks later. We had to go to the post office and wait in very long lines to pick up the mail. The mail was not delivered until the end of November and then just once or twice a week. Garbage was only picked up once a week. It was not until January 2007, that garbage pick up returned to twice weekly.

Restoration Now

My roof was repaired and I moved upstairs. I have a new career, because I lost my pre-Katrina job. I worked for a gambling casino boat and part of the boat sank. I was never able to say good bye to anyone and so many old friends will not meet my daughter.

I eventually got in touch with immigration. I was approved! I had to go to the post office everyday and wait in line, hoping for the letter. Once I got the approval letter, I decided I would drive to get the state certification. It was a good thing that I did because they could not get clearance for my police check. I had to drive from Baton Rouge back to New Orleans and try and find where the office was now located. The office had over 6 feet of water. I got lucky, and after the fourth place I checked, I found where they moved to. I was able to get the new police clearance and drive back to Baton Rouge the same day.

The house was coming together and the city improving, I was most anxious to get my little girl. I received an updated picture of Caroline. Lo and behold her hair was in a fountain on top, the very way I had done a friend’s child’s hair so often in hopes of having my own daughter to fix her hair in that fashion - another sign to keep the faith.

The Call to China, to Caroline

I finally received the call that I would be going to China June 1-12, 2006. On June 4, I flew to Hohhot (Inner Mongolia) and met my daughter for the first time. She was crying but much to my surprise I did not cry. I just kept thinking I can’t believe the day is finally here. I had been through so much, but it was so worth it. And she had the fountain hair do when she arrived at the hotel with her nannies. I could literally see the red thread. Elsie and Kristi from Children’s Hope were with me the entire time and guided me through the transition from single woman to Mother. They were an invaluable part of the process in China. Not all agencies provided such attentive care for their parents.

The first evening was emotional. Jia Xue (Caroline) grieved for her nannies and the only life she knew. My heart broke for her. The next day after I paid all the fees I took her to a park near the hotel. I bought a balloon and that turned out to be the ice breaker. We played and laughed and she seemed to realize that I was her “forever” mommy. She started calling me “mama” on the second day and was calling herself “Caroline” by the time we left China. She stuck like glue to me. I thought my heart would burst with pride for being blessed with this beautiful child. She understood English in such a short time and began to speak English within a few short weeks.

We are now regulars at the zoo, aquarium, and children’s museum since they reopened. We went to Disney World for Thanksgiving. She roots for the Saints and wears her cheerleading outfit to each game. Caroline loved her first Mardi Gras catching beads and yelling, “Throw me something, Mister.” We celebrated her third birthday and she will fit into that Easter dress hanging in the closet from last year. We go to Chinese School on Sundays but I am not such a quick learner. Her teacher feels she still has the accent and remembers most of the basic language. And, of course, she is a bright, delightful, little girl.

Her adjustment amazes me. And about her special need, she has hearing in her right ear. We are waiting to go to another specialist at Children’s Hospital to determine a schedule for cosmetic surgery.

There is a lot of rebuilding going on. Some businesses have decided not to rebuild. There are sections in the city that are just green space and others that have not come back at all. My father passed away in October 2006. My mother feels that his last purpose on earth was to see his granddaughter. At 79-years-old my mother is still in a FEMA trailer as are my cousins. Recovery is a slow process I think very few people understand if you are not going through the experience. On February 13, my section of the city was hit by a tornado. We had roof damage and a lot of debris. But I can weather anything after Katrina, adoption and recovery.

I learned so much about life through this “hurricane” experience. I learned to wait in very long lines, to have patience, and to take nothing or anyone for granted. If you have something today, it can be gone tomorrow. I thought adoption was a 1-2-3 process. I had no idea how complicated things could get. I can laugh about it now, because I have Caroline. When I hear her call me “mommy”, it just melts my heart.

We are waiting for the streetcar to start running. I think it will be another 16 months. New Orleans is coming back. It is going to take time. Caroline, my daughter, will be a part of the building process.

--Julie & Caroline Laderer of New Orleans, LA

Published in the Children's Hope Newsletter, Summer 2007

A Daughter Who Knows Who She Is

May is a special month for me. Not only is it Mother's Day Month, but it is also "gotcha" month for us. This is our fourth year with our special daughter, Gracie Jo-Ning Bryan, whom we adopted from the Hunan Province of China. We have talked about adoption and told Gracie the story of how we got her since she was about 2 years old. Last week, I saw how much that talking has paid off.

Gracie attends preschool at the local elementary school and a little girl in her class told her that I wasn't her "real mommy". Gracie very kindly replied, "Oh, yes, she is my real mommy... Another lady in China had me in her tummy and she couldn't take care of me, but loved me so much that she let my parents adopt me!" The little girl continued to argue with her, but Gracie never got upset, nor did she back down. In line for school the next day, she asked the little girl to talk to me about the previous discussion. She even tried to argue with me, but we both stayed calm, smiled and moved on.

My daughter really knows who she is...and can handle comments with grace and I am so thankful. She understands now that some people just don't "know".

I think our reactions to situations will truly influence how our children react. Education is such an asset...even if you think they can't understand. My four-year-old acted very mature in this case!

Attached is a photo of us the first summer we had her, a photo with her favorite blanket that we gave her the night we got her and a photo of her simply enjoying the wind in her face!! For those of you waiting, it is so worth it!!!

--Gracie's Mama, Amy Bryan Rhett, Amy and Gracie Bryan, TN

Thursday

On Being a Mother for the First Time: China Adoption Story

Michelle Butler of Virginia became a first time Mom on June 20, 2005, on her daughter’s Gotcha Day in China. She celebrates her second Mother’s Day this Sunday. Here’s what she has to say about the joy of becoming a mother:






Being a first time mom after being married for almost 17 years is so worth the wait. Taylor is a joy to everyone she meets and has changed her daddy in the most positive way. He is now very patient and tends to her every need and want.

I can remember the day when Gotcha Day came around and how all those years of waiting and waiting for a child just melted away.

I have a very close relationship with Taylor and she tells me all the time that when she grows up she wants to wear clothes like me. She likes to plant flowers with me and loves to help me clean up. Every week we have a popcorn night where we watch Dora and eat popcorn before she goes to bed. We also like to go to the local ice cream store and share an ice cream cone (chocolate of course). I couldn't imagine a life without Taylor now and am beyond blessed.

I always tell my husband that if we had gone faster, slower, if we had no paperwork snafus that we would not have been blessed with Taylor and that even though the path we took may have taken 15 years before we were blessed with a daughter, it was the definitely the correct path we chose.
Michelle Butler, VA
Mother to Taylor Grace Suqiao Butler
Hunan, Chenzhou
DOB – August 21, 2004
Gotcha Day – June 20, 2005

Tuesday

Thank You from the Eaker's, China Adoption

We adopted Kara Ming from the Duchang orphanage in Jianxi province China in November of 2003. She has been a blessing and joy in our lives and we are LID November 8, 2005 for Mei-mei Sara (mei-mei is Chinese for little sister).

Our experience has been wonderful with Children's Hope and we anticipate the same for this next adoption. Kara is so excited and we look forward to her meeting her new sister soon. Children’s Hope has been with us from the beginning and will continue to be a large part of our lives. We could never make it through all this without all you all do. I feel very fortunate to have met and gotten to know all the families and staff of Children's Hope both in Kansas City and in China.

--Mark and Katherine Eaker, MO, China adoptive family

Left to Die, Destined to Live

In their book Saving Levi, Children’s Hope adoptive parent Lisa Bentley shares an absolutely inspirational story of a badly burned boy “left to die...destined to live”—their son Levi.

“When John was practicing law, we had the brand new house, the sports car, the minivan, the bonuses, the raises and I was pregnant with my forth child and I remember being upstairs in the bedroom thinking, ‘Lord if this is all there is to my faith, to my Christianity, it’s boring and it stinks.’”

When God answered Lisa Bentley’s prayer, he sent her to China. She did not know the language nor did she understand the culture. Was this truly the answer to her discontentment? Then she laid eyes on a little burned boy.

This boy, later named Levi (“to bind and unite”), would change her life and give her a heart for the Chinese people. This heart thrives today with the non-profit charity she runs with husband John. This charity, Harmony Outreach, serves all levels of the Chinese community but most importantly the “least of these”— orphaned children with special needs.

In saving Levi’s life there laid a question: How far does one go to save an orphaned child’s life? With third- to forth-degree burns afflicting over 70% of his entire body and blood infections requiring more and more amputations of his upper limbs—Levi was an extreme in a healing philosophy to bring orphans to health and into forever homes. Even if his initial surgeries were successful, he would require more skin grafts each year. Until he was fully developed, his growing bones would outstretch his scar tissue.

The Bentley’s mission is also Children’s Hope mission. On faith alone the Bentley’s took every measure to save Levi, with no monetary support or physical means necessary. Day by day they strode forward. Each day their feet landed on solid, supported ground.

Early on, their feet landed on Children’s Hope and Melody Zhang. Children’s Hope funded Levi’s first surgery in Beijing and later gave the Bentley’s their media opportunity in China to get the word out about Levi’s story.

Wherever his story was heard, people’s hearts were touched. From complimentary airfare, expedited Visa paperwork, to a simple twenty dollar bill—people were moved to action. Levi touched Lisa’s heart to act from day one. She knew he was meant to be hers. Her home would be the best hope for a full life for this little boy.

When she was able to adopt him as her own, she did so through Children’s Hope. As obstacles rose up and stood aside, one took anchor and brought the process to a standstill: the China Center for Adoption Affairs declared him too burned to be cared for through adoption. Melody took a stance in the name of this amazingly loving family. Levi was to become a Bentley.
This story is a linked chain of God-chosen people brought together to save one life. It is a story of encouragement in the hardest of times, of the strength in love within every person, and of the daring in courage of one.

In January, Focus on the Family interviewed John and Lisa Bentley, discussing Harmony Outreach and Saving Levi on their radio broadcast. To listen to this two-part moving broadcast and to hear the voice of parental inspiration, click below and be changed:

The Bentleys: A Radical Journey of Faith (Part 1/Part 2)
(Available for a limited time.)

To best benefit their cause, purchase the book Saving Levi via Lisa’s web site at www.Harmonyoutreach.org or at www.savinglevi.com. In 2007, Lisa will travel the U.S. on a Saving Levi book tour and signing and will speak at many venues across the nation. If you would like Lisa to share this amazing story and important mission of faith at your event, contact her by e-mail to speak with her directly.

--Lisa and John Bentley, China
Written by Jennifer Newcomb, Children's Hope Communications Coordinator

Not Forgotten: The Adoption Story of Andrew Ellis

Andrew Ellis is the kind of boy no one forgets, especially best friend Xiau Ding. Xiau Ding, protective of Andrew while living in-orphanage, now lives in Ohio, happily adopted. Although he was living within the peace of a loving family, he still worried for his best friend left behind in China.

His new mother contacted Marianne Adams, Children’s Hope Southwest and Arizona regional director, looking for AndrewMarianne put the call out to the Ellis’ who had placed Andrew from the Waiting Child list and were waiting for travel approval.

“At first when she told me this family was looking for him, it kinda scared me,” says Becky, already protective of her precious son. “I was like, ‘Look he’s being adopted!’ But when Marianne explained ‘I think they have a child that knows him,’ the whole thing changed!” Becky laughs. Xiau Ding was happy and relieved to know Andrew had found a home and would be joining him in the United States, for the older boys in the orphanage were known to be rough.

When Becky and Dan arrived there in Changsha Hunan, China, they were bearing gifts and wearing t-shirts imprinted with Andrew’s face. They were nervous. The social worker had prepared them: at night they were to double-check their room locks; some of the older children attempt to run away. They braced themselves, unsure of what to expect.

But when they met eight-year-old Andrew, he came barreling into the room grinning. Before they could even offer him their stowed gifts, he was opening his bag pack to give them their gifts! Andrew had even purchased his maternal grandmother and his godmother gifts as well, jewelry and a small trinket in the shape of a duck. They were to learn later that he had taken his friends out for ice cream during their last night together with the little money he had left of his savings.

After dealing out his gifts, he ran over to Dan and began to stroke his arm. He murmured, “Oh baba, oh baba,” oh father, oh father, in Mandarin. Dan began to cry.

“Which is a good thing,” Becky laughs, “I am an ugly crier and Dan is a pretty crier. I was so scared he wouldn’t want to come home with us after seeing my face contorted with tears!”

A lesson in Chinese checkers later, the family of three went out to eat. At the table the young boy toasted to his new family and prayed.

“You know, they don’t really pray over there, but he took up in his hands a Buddah necklace that was given to him and said a prayer to God, thanking Him for the day.”

Back home, the Ellis’ found their lifestyle drastically changed. They had lost their first son years before and the house was then quiet. Although Andrew was never meant as a replacement, he now fills their house with so much love and laughter.

Becky home schools Andrew. The two of them learn from each other, Andrew English and Becky Mandarin. They laugh when they learn that mountain is sun in Mandarin and sun is mountain. The family cooks together, fixing Tandan—a blessing of egg rolls and dumplings. They laugh as Andrew’s dumplings are made so much better.

Andrew loves hiking with his dog Honey and playing pool. “He can play pool until the cows come home!” says Becky. The Ellis’ live right on top of a mountain. Everyday when he goes down the mountain, Andrew is offered a different view; the sky is always changing. Sometimes on a particularly cloudy day, it is almost as if the other mountains sit like islands in the sky.

“Ooo, mama! Ooo, mama!” Andrew whispers in wonder.

How is life now? “Life is beautiful,” Becky sighs. “Andrew has brought great joy into our hearts. It’s almost hard to even say. ...I don’t know how we ended up with the most wonderful child in the world.”

It’s easy to believe this child is one whom no one will ever forget and everyone is glad he’s made this home into a family.

--Becky, Dan, and Andrew Ellis, NC
Written by Jennifer Newcomb, Children's Hope Communication Coordinator

Thursday

“I Have a Sister and She Lives In Ohio”: A story of adopted twin sisters reunited

In spring 2005, while on my daughters’ municipality web site, I noticed a photo of a girl who had a very strong resemblance to my daughter Hayley, especially since Hayley does not posses the regional look common for that area. Leah’s mother had also noticed the resemblance between the two girls and we contacted each other. For the next 17 months we sent photos, emails and videos of the girls to each other. We also talked on the phone but never mentioned our suspicions to the girls that they could be related. For the longest time whenever Hayley saw Leah’s picture via email she thought it was herself. Hayley’s younger sister would point to the photo of Leah on the computer screen and say “sissy”.

We were cautious in thinking that the girls could possibly be siblings. We knew if we were actually lucky enough to find our child’s sibling there would be many issues involved in the discovery and what it means to them, to our family and the sibling’s family. This would be a long term commitment. You do not get to choose the family that has adopted your child’s sibling. It may or may not be a compatible match between the families. Once you’ve made the connection, you can’t go back and pretend not to “know”. We had to consider how our children would feel about the discovery of the relationship and, in our case, how Hayley’s other sibling would feel about this relationship.

There are also significant financial and lifestyle concerns with finding a sibling and maintaining the relationship. DNA testing is not an exact science when it comes to establishing sibling-ship when you can not test at least one biological parent. You need to be able to live with less than 100% conclusive results and accept negative results with grace. There are many skeptics when it comes to finding biological matches and many parents have been attacked for choosing to test their child. Both families took the responsibility very seriously and discussed many issues before proceeding with the DNA testing of the girls, including what score from the DNA results we would consider conclusive, and we set the bar high. I also did research on DNA testing and talked with other families that had also found their child’s’ Chinese sibling before embarking on this journey. This journey is not for everyone.

Both families felt comfortable with going ahead with the DNA testing of the girls after establishing a relationship over the past 17 months. Family members also saw striking resemblances between the girls, not only in their appearance but in their personalities, likes and dislikes. We chose a lab that tested 19 markers using the specific Asian Database from the region that they are from. After a LONG two week wait in May the DNA testing was 98.2% conclusive that the girls are siblings! The girls birth days are eight days apart (one actual and one estimated because one daughter was given up one month after birth) so currently we know that they are sisters but feel comfortable in thinking that they are fraternal twins. It will take additional testing to conclude that. The girls refer to each other as “sissy”. Both families were thrilled with the news! I knew in my heart that the girls were sisters. We feel blessed to know that Hayley has another sister from China and both families have made the commitment to nurture this relationship.

A trip was arranged to have Hayley and Leah meet in September 2006. Leah’s mom had asked Leah what she wanted to do with Hayley when she came to Ohio and Leah said, “Take her to see Lake Erie and JUMP on my bed!” When I asked Hayley what she wanted to do while in Ohio (not knowing Leah’s response) she said, “Have a pillow fight!”

The girls chatted excitedly on the phone about the upcoming trip. Hayley made a countdown calendar to count down the days until “Sissy Day!” When Hayley and Leah met for the first time in Ohio they hugged, giggled, chased each other and ran through the airport like they were best of friends and that they had known each other forever. The six days that Hayley and I spent in Ohio with Leah and her family was the beginning of a wonderful, blessed journey for both families. The girls acted silly, sang songs, had tea parties, wrestled, jumped on the bed, had their pillow fight and got to know each other.

We were amazed at the similarities between the two girls but also saw some differences. Both families got along very well and Hayley and I were welcomed in to Leah’s family with open arms. We were lucky enough to meet Leah’s extended family and friends while we were there and everyone was excited and happy for the girls. It was fun trying to trick family and friends by swapping Hayley for Leah! Strangers would ask if the girls were twins.

Saying goodbye at the airport was met with sadness as the girls wrestled one more time, pretended to call each other on the pay phones, said their “I love you’s” and hugged goodbye.

Since we have been home the girls have remained in contact with each other, they talk on the phone, send each other emails and pictures and think of each other often. Hayley really wants to go back to Ohio to play in the snow. The girls have a bond that will last a lifetime and it has only just begun to blossom. It is a true miracle and double blessing that the girls have been reunited with each other once again.

–Kathy Wong, AZ

My Mother, An Essay Written by an Older China Adoptee

Father and Mother are the greatest and the most holy career in the world. The children who have a father and mother must be the happiest children in the world. No matter if they are poor or rich, the parents are always ready, giving all their love to their children, no matter whether the children are their own or adopted.

I have a great mother. She adopted my sister, my brother and me from China. Even though three of the children are not her biological children, she gives all her love to these three Chinese children.

My mother is very beautiful. She has brown hair, and bright meaningful eyes. She has a big high nose. She is very tall and slim. My mother takes very good care of me in everyday. I have been eating Chinese food since I came to America because my mother worries I am not used to the food here. The Chinese food my mother makes is very tasty.

At night, I feel scared, so my mother sleeps with me. Whatever I want, my mother always buys them for me. Sometimes I feel I am asking too much, it is not right. But my mother always understands and comforts me all the time. When I saw some white hairs coming out from my mother’s beautiful hair, I felt very sad because she works too hard for us. So in the daily life, I wish I could do something to make my mother happy and try my best to help her. I am fully grateful to my mother. Here in America, I can really enjoy Mother’s love, which I have never had in my life.

I love my mother and love her big heart.

--YaLi Wahlstrom, WI

After being in the United States for about a month, YaLi was asked by her teacher in Madison, Wisconsin, to write an essay on “The most important person in your life”. Her essay was translated from Chinese to English.

Wednesday

Love From Afar

A family’s love for a child begins long before his or her first breath is taken or the first cry is heard. Our love for Paige began in September of 2004 when we signed the adoption application with Children's Hope International.

Long before Paige was born, her waiting family (Kevin, Carla, Chelsea and Haley) began to pray and prepare for her journey home. Many months, even years, have passed since the application was approved. Birth and marriage certificates were ordered. Passports renewed, seminars attended, documents notarized, certified and authenticated, all as a part of the journey to bring our baby Paige home.

As we mailed our completed dossier to Children’s Hope International and then on to China in September of 2005, we began to wonder where our little Paige could be. Is she still developing in the womb of her birth mother? Is she being cared for in an orphanage? Are her little ears hearing sounds that will always remind her of her culture? How long will it take to bring her home? All of those questions could only be answered over time.

Fifteen months have passed since China approved our dossier and we still ask the same questions. However, Paige's journey home is drawing close. Another month, or maybe two, and we will see her picture for the first time. We will know her age and where she was born. A beautiful face can be remembered as we pray, "Lord, protect our little Paige. Keep her safe and healthy under the care of those who are assigned to her. Lord, whisper in her ear, your journey home is almost here. Your forever Mom, Dad and sisters are only a few months away."

We expect our referral by the middle of March and then our travel to China by the end of May. The journey home for Paige is almost here. The love that has been building for two and a half years will finally be poured upon Paige from her forever family.

--Kevin Shelton, CA
http://paigesjourneyhome.blogspot.com/

Monday

Better with One Eye

We are the proud parents of three beautiful little girls. One of them is named Aliana Minfang. She was born in China, with two hands, two feet, two ears, but only one eye.

We had known for some time that we wanted to adopt a child. It was very clear to us—somewhere in the world a child was meant to be our son or our daughter. We were looking for a child that no one else wanted, for millions of children worldwide are not adopted because of age or medical conditions and our hearts lay with these orphans. These precious ones are known as Waiting Children.

During the four and half months of dossier preparation, a new list of Waiting Children of China was made available. We were drawn to Aliana, a 2 year old girl born without a right eye. She had been abandoned two days after birth, taken to an orphanage, and at 3 months of age transferred into foster care. No other prospective parents were reviewing her. Our excitement peaked!

We asked our pediatrician to evaluate her medical file. He cautioned, it was not uncommon when one or both eyes are damaged in utero for the brain to also be affected. This little girl could slide anywhere down the scale—she could be perfectly normal or developmentally disabled. Our doctor’s comments definitely brought us back to reality.

The medical information from China was insufficient to make a conclusion one way or the other. We were scared of the unknown and questions plagued us: What if she was mentally retarded or unable to live independently? Did the other eye have good vision? What was the long-term prognosis for her sight? Was she really meant to be our daughter?

We asked God for guidance and received an indisputable sign. I opened my Bible, after a day of fasting and praying, and my eyes immediately fell on a passage, Matthew 8:19-20 which begins, “It is better for you to enter life with one eye, than to have two eyes and be cast into darkness. Do not look down on one of these little ones, for I say to you that their angels look at them and continually see the face of My Father who is in heaven.” Well, I guess that took care of that—there was our sign!

We agreed to adopt Aliana. Although our fears were not laid to rest, we decided we did not need to be sure of our knowledge, but only of our purpose.

Nine months and five days after we submitted our initial application, we met our little girl. All our fears disappeared. I know every adoptive parent says this, but it is true—it was just obvious she was meant to be our daughter.

We had been afraid of the unknown. Once you are looking at a living breathing person, the abstracts go away; instead of a possible condition you see a child.

Now we are home. Aliana is a funny, loving, smart, stubborn, snuggly, and bouncy sweetheart of a girl. Her foster family did a wonderful job preparing her for the transition to her forever family. She has bonded beautifully with my husband and I, is imitating both the obedient and the mischievous actions of her siblings, and initiates play with all of us.

Aliana is an integral part of our family. We can't imagine having any other child in her place. Although, she will have ongoing medical issues with her missing eye, we will deal with those. We realize now, one never knows what will happen in any child’s future with certainty and that gives us peace.

--Velleta Scott, AR

The Scott’s intend to adopt another wonderful Waiting Child in perhaps 2 years (Velleta’s husband says 3). The Scott family includes two biological children Dorinda and Callista, ages 4 and 2 respectively. What can you as a family handle? In the next Children’s Hope International newsletter, lay aside your fears as you read about more family victories over medical issues.

Wednesday

Traveling to Hear Sweet Words

“You’ve been matched with a little girl!”

We’ve never heard sweeter words than those that were spoken to us on October 3, 2005—the day we received our referral and became parents to Jin Li Bing, a baby girl living in Guangxi, China.

We had begun our process fourteen months earlier after attending an informational meeting in Minneapolis. The feeling that we were finally going to be parents seemed so far off and the paperwork so cumbersome. We followed our checklist, celebrating each step along the way, and our paperwork went off to China on February 25, 2005.

Then the real wait began. It was difficult for us; we wanted our daughter home. We wanted to see her face and know where she was. Little did we know, when our paperwork went to China, she was already three weeks old!

We traveled to China in December 2005 and had the time of our lives! We spent a few days in Beijing seeing the Forbidden City, Tiananmen Square, the Great Wall, and many other fantastic and historical sites. Then on December 11, we flew to the Guangxi province. We could hardly believe we were in her province, let alone that we were going to get to hold her finally the next afternoon.

Nothing can describe the feeling of watching your baby move from across the room and then into your waiting arms. It was over in a few seconds, but the memory of hearing her caretakers tell her “Mama, Baba” (“Mom, Dad”) and then holding her – the thought of it brings tears to our eyes. Julia was finally with us!

Julia grieved heavily the first few days she was with us. She refused to drink her bottle, would look at us and start to cry, and yet did not want Mommy to put her down. Our Children’s Hope coordinators were so caring, seemingly as concerned about her as we were. They listened to our concerns, offered suggestions, and when Julia finally drank milk they celebrated with us.

We bonded with the other families in our group. We spent evenings with all the girls playing in the hallway of the hotel. Together we shared both our concerns and successes, forming lifelong friendships with these families.

The rest of our time in China was amazing. During our six days in Guangxi, and our five in Guangzhou, Children’s Hope took take care of all of the details, from paperwork and appointments to little field trips. This allowed us the time to focus on Julia. We felt like we didn’t have to think about anything but her.

As first time parents, we were so thankful! In fact we teased Anna, one of our coordinators, in the airport in Beijing that we didn’t know how we were going to get to our international flight on our own. She had been there every step of the way to tell us where to go, what bus to get on, what time to be somewhere. We were so well cared for in China!

We’ve had Julia for a year now. It is amazing how she’s grown and changed. We love watching her learn new things every day. We love hearing her say Mommy and Daddy. We love being her parents.

We feel like we are the luckiest parents in the world!

We hope to adopt another daughter someday, and we cannot imagine using any other agency than Children’s Hope. You can trust Children’s Hope to take great care of you here in the U.S., but they will take even better care for you overseas!

--Janette, Joseph, & Julia Melde, MN

Friday

A Part of the Family: China Adoption Story

Two years ago Jia Li became a part of our family. We flew to China on May 17th and on May 23, 2005 Jia Li was given to us to make our forever family. It seems strange for two reasons. First it was like only yesterday that we were in China and making our way to the adoption center… I can remember the waiting (two minutes) that seemed like hours. I remember our eyes meeting and whispering to her that we had waited a long time for her to come to us. The second thing is that as it is only two years; it seems like Jia Li has been here forever. We are truly blessed to have such a wonderful child.

We could not image our lives without her. And in the same respect we think what did we do before getting her? Jia Li is our treasure and we do just that... TREASURE her.

And so on the GOTCH YA DAY of MAY 23, 2005 it is that day we became a forever family. Since that day Jia Li has become an amazing little person. Her insights, her thoughts, her words and her love have grown day after day. Jia Li has helped us become better people…. So join us in saying a special thank you prayer to God for giving us a wonderful little girl with a heart of gold…

--Marybeth, Jimmy, and Jia Imsho, Staten Island, NY

Sunday

We Are the Lucky Ones!

It's five o'clock in the morning, and our house is quiet and still. As I sit folding laundry, I lovingly glace up at the portrait of our three beautiful daughters hanging on the wall. As I look at it, I have a difficult time remembering what our lives were like before them.

The journey to become the fortunate parents of these three children began in 1998 when we contacted Children's Hope International. We quickly began the process to become the parents of Grace Meiying Callesen (now 7). We brought Grace home in 1999. We soon realized our family was not yet complete, and we once again began the adoption process.

In 2001 we traveled to China to bring our second daughter Sophia Mei Di home (now 5 years old).

Our lives were full and happy but somehow we always had the feeling someone was missing from our family. CHI once again assisted us in bringing our youngest daughter Ava Lian Margaret home in 2004 (Ava is now 3.).

International adoption is a very complex process. CHI has the ability to take this very complex process and make it virtually seamless. From the very beginning, working with Marianne Adams, our adoption coordinator, we felt a sense of confidence and ease. We had frequent contact and updates regarding the process of our adoption. Once in China we were met by employees of the CHI branch in China. They accompanied us the entire trip. We felt secure and informed. The staff was extremely knowledgeable regarding the adoption process. We were supported in every way imaginable. When we left China we felt we were leaving friends!

We are always perplexed when people approach us and tell us how lucky our children are. Our response is always the same, "We are the lucky ones!"

Our children are thriving. They are all incredible little beings. They are inquisitive, intelligent and beautiful...but most of all they are loved.

--Mark and Heidi Callesen, Arizona