Karina, a Waiting Child

As a single parent, ready to embark on my second adoption journey, I knew I had a long, emotional road ahead of me. My son Mitchell, adopted at birth 12 years ago, was 11 when I asked him how he would feel about adopting a little sister. I knew if he wasn’t 100% ready, I wouldn’t be able to proceed. We talked about the pros and cons of having a sibling and what it would mean to our family. Mitchell decided he wanted to sleep on it before giving me his final answer. The next morning his first word was “YES”!

With my son as my main support, I completed the application for the Kazakhstan program through Children’s Hope International and we waited for approval before telling the rest of the family our plans.

Depending on which country is chosen, the wait for your referral can be excruciatingly long. I tried to prepare everyone for the long wait but after just a couple of months, the “Have you heard anything?” started. Mitchell was hoping his sister would be home by Christmas, but the holidays came and went without word. I knew our paperwork was making its way around the world but the waiting became harder and harder to bear.

Soon after we became a part of the Children’s Hope family, I had access to the Waiting Children website. This allows you to see some of the “hard to place” children. Although I had requested a child with only mild medical issues (preferably healthy), it became a daily ritual to view the children posted on the website. In January 2007, it finally happened. There was a picture of a tiny and frail little 13-month-old girl. The short description of her said: “difficulty of movement in her left leg”. The pictures showed her standing and receiving help as she tried to walk.

Something tugged at my heart, and I immediately sent an e-mail to Children’s Hope requesting her medical information.

Reviewing a Medical, a Life-Altering Decision

After a very long wait (it was only two weeks!), I received a one page medical. Her name was Karina and she was born on November 7, 2005, premature, although it was unclear as to how premature. When she was 7-weeks-old, she was taken to the Baby House of Taldykorgan. I later found out she weighed only 2 pounds at birth and was so frail when she reached the orphanage, they didn’t think she would make it. The report mentioned a few medical problems but didn’t give a real diagnosis on anything. I discussed her medical at length with both Jeff Morris and Anna Rister of Children’s Hope, with my son’s pediatrician and with my family. It’s so hard to know what to do without having the child in front of you to hold and observe. I listened to everyone’s thoughts and opinions and decided to just follow my heart—I knew I had to bring her home.

After making such an important decision, we then had to wait a couple more months to receive our travel dates. This process can really test ones strength and patience!

Once we arrived in Taldykorgan, we had one day to rest before the big day. Our CHI representative, interpreter and driver were with us the whole day as we met the officials of the city before receiving permission to visit the Baby House.

When we arrived, we were escorted to a room to wait some more, until finally Olga, our Children’s Hope representative, brought Karina to meet us. I had heard a lot of different things about what to expect during the first meeting but nothing really prepares you for it. Mitchell and I sat on the floor looking at her in Olga’s arms and she intently stared back - no tears. I guess she decided we were safe because when Olga put her down, she crawled right over to us and started touching Mitchell’s face and then my own. After that first moment of hesitancy, it was as if she had known us forever. We started our 14 day bonding period right then and it didn’t take long for her to become excited when she saw us walk in and then start to cry when it was time for us to leave.

Our three week trip turned into six. For those six weeks we went to the Baby House twice a day to visit with Karina and the rest of the babies in her group. Both Mitchell and I became attached, not only to Karina but to the other babies as well. All their faces would light up when they saw Mitchell walk in—they knew it was play time! They were always happy and laughing when we were there and Karina loved being able to play with the others while we were there to watch and join in.

After our court date, we went to say our goodbyes to Karina. I knew she didn’t know what was happening, but we did and it was very hard knowing it would be four to six weeks before I could bring her home. On June 22 we arrived home...and she has been ruling the household ever since!

I took her to the pediatrician the first week home and then to an orthopedic doctor to find out what was wrong with her leg. Guess what? Her left leg works just like the right leg and she is not only walking on her own but she is now running! Both doctors have declared her healthy other than needing to catch up with regard to her height and weight. She is still very tiny but she doesn’t notice it and thinks she is one of the big kids.

At Home with a Family

Karina loves pre-school and is coming up with new words every day. She has a wonderful relationship with her brother and they love to make each other laugh. Her new extended family gives her undivided attention and she has become quite the “showboat” when all eyes are on her.

I hope that anyone that is thinking of or is in the process of international adoption knows that it is a long, emotional and sometimes rough road but when you meet your son or daughter for the first time, all of the waiting and emotional highs and lows that you have experienced slip away and quickly become a distant memory.

There isn’t a day that goes by when I don’t think of all the babies we left behind. I hope and pray it doesn’t take long for them to find their forever families. Keep looking at the Waiting Children’s website while you wait for your paperwork to be processed—your son or daughter could be there waiting for you!

--Brenda, Mitchell & Karina Brewer, California

Top 10 Things Learned, First "Mama-versary" for Russia Adoption Family

Last year on this date we arrived home with Delaney! What an incredible year with an incredible baby girl! Within about 30 minutes of being home, she had toys and shoes everywhere, tried to open the kitchen cabinets, hugged/tugged the cat, re-programmed the remote and made herself right at home. I can't imagine life before she came!

To those of you waiting...your adoption will happen and you will be with child soon!

Top Ten Things I Have Learned as a Mom ~ Year One

1. Anything you SAY can and will be repeated.
2. Baby proofing? HA!
3. Any toy or object can and will be used as something other than its original purpose.
4. Cats don't like to drink from a sippy cup.
5. Anything you DO can and will be repeated!
6. Two year olds like to lock doors.
7. Every word to every Wiggles song, every word to every Ralph song, the entire Sound of Music score, the entire score to Mary Poppins, every note to the Jeopardy theme, and all the words to Three Dog Night's "Joy to the World".
8. Broccoli has excellent trajectory.
9. A bath can bide you enough time to make a phone call and/or have a glass of wine!
10. No matter how it is said, whined, shouted, screamed, yelled, whimpered, whispered...."Mommy" is the sweetest word in the world!!!

--Cynthia Ramsel, CA

(Left) One year after Delaney became Cynthia's daughter through Children's Hope International adoption, they celebrated their "Gotcha Day" with swimming at a kids-only water park. Afterwards, Cynthia gave her this turtle sandbox gift. It was a huge hit!

A Hurricane Named Katrina

A year after deciding to adopt a child, Julie Laderer lost her heart to a little 3-year-old girl on the Children's Hope "Waiting Child" list. Hope of adopting a new daughter then sustained her through one of the worst natural disasters in U.S. history. (An abridged version of this story was published in the Summer 2007 Children's Hope Newsletter and is available online here.)

From the moment I was approved by China to adopt my daughter, I began planning on things that we would do together. There are a lot of things for kids to do in New Orleans, besides eating the good food; the festivals, arts and music events are quite exciting. I even bought a pass to Six Flags. I could not wait until we would ride the streetcar that passes in front of my house together.

With my home study completed, I filed with immigration in the beginning of August 2005, in the middle of hurricane season. Each year, New Orleanians go to the store and stock up on canned goods, bottled water, and batteries. We board up our windows, pick up the yard for flying objects, and wait for the hurricane to pass. Some people leave but some of us stay, because the hurricane usually turns and goes to Florida.

But this year was different, the hurricane didn’t turn. On Monday morning August 29, 2005 Hurricane Katrina struck. The electricity went out and the winds started blowing as the hurricane passed over the city. The damage was bearable: a small section of my roof was missing, a lot of large oaks and power lines were down, but only a small amount of water was in the street. We heard that the 9th ward was flooding from a broken levee. People were being rescued from rooftops which accounted for the multitude of helicopters flying overhead. We began picking up the debris in the yard and grilling the food from the freezer. My neighbors also stayed. They came over. We celebrated surviving the worst but knew that we would be without electricity for a while.

A Life Turned Upside Down

By Tuesday we realized that the water was rising in the street. Although moderately concerned, we continued to clean the yard and barbecue. Soon the water began to rise alarmingly close to our house.

At 3 a.m. Wednesday morning, my dad, mother, and landlady’s 85-year-old mother—all sleeping downstairs—called up to me. Water was in the house. We moved everyone upstairs. We listened to the radio and heard about a levee break at the 17th Street Canal. That was a good distance from the house and it was inconceivable that water had reached us from that break. We got up again about three hours later, went down stairs, to find the water was up to our knees. Our neighbors decided to leave. We listened to the radio and found out there was a breach in the levee and there would be another surge of water by 10:00am. We decided to leave, too.

In spite of the crisis, my whole focus was on my adoption binder and the pictures that I had framed of my daughter. I took nothing else. I helped everyone into an SUV and a truck. When we left, I had only the clothes on my back and no shoes on my feet. We cleared the street of branches and drove on the neutral ground. There were desperate people walking towards dry areas and trying to get out. Ironically, a few blocks from the house towards the Mississippi River, there was no water.

People were pushing shopping carts with their belongings. Some were looting. It was very chaotic and sad. We were very fortunate that we were not carjacked. Our plan was to get to the interstate and travel north to Ferriday, Louisiana. We passed truck after truck of waiting young men pulling boats eager to help with the rescue. I prayed for these young men. We passed where thousands of people were waiting for transportation out of the city. Little did I know, my cousin and his wife were among the thousands. They had to swim out of a window and waited on a neighbors’ second story house to be rescued. They eventually got on a bus after five days when my cousin’s wife complained of heart problems.

We arrived in Ferriday with no place to stay. We checked campground after campground. We found a Winnebago for rent, for the five of us and four dogs. Our group split from there, moving onto other towns with differing families taking us in. My adoption binder remained with me at all times.

I never thought my life would be this turned upside down. I looked up the CIS website and found out that it was unknown if my immigration paperwork in New Orleans was retrievable or if their employees would return. I cried for two weeks. I did not know when or if my adoption would go through, nor did anyone else.

I did not know if there was a home to go to. My parents live in Metairie a suburb of New Orleans.. My dad and I were able to get to their house, but we were told to leave at dark. My parent’s house flooded. My landlord’s mother’s house flooded. My parents’ rental house had 4 feet of water and their camp was destroyed.

We returns to begin the recovery process three weeks after the storm. I could not believe the devastation. Approximately seven blocks from the house, someone broke into a stately old mansion and then set it on fire. The whole square block was burned. Looking around for the first time, I knew it would take a long time for the city to come back. The destruction was so extensive, it did not look like my city. Military trucks, police cars, and emergency vehicles on the streets added to the eeriness.

When we went into the house, there was debris everywhere both inside and out. I lost clothes, shoes, pictures, and anything that was on the first floor. My mother’s bedroom set from when she was a little girl, meant for my daughter’s new bedroom, was also destroyed. We ate military issue MRE’s (meals ready to eat), as there was no electricity nor restaurants open.

The electricity did not come on until October 8, and the gas weeks later. We had to go to the post office and wait in very long lines to pick up the mail. The mail was not delivered until the end of November and then just once or twice a week. Garbage was only picked up once a week. It was not until January 2007, that garbage pick up returned to twice weekly.

Restoration Now

My roof was repaired and I moved upstairs. I have a new career, because I lost my pre-Katrina job. I worked for a gambling casino boat and part of the boat sank. I was never able to say good bye to anyone and so many old friends will not meet my daughter.

I eventually got in touch with immigration. I was approved! I had to go to the post office everyday and wait in line, hoping for the letter. Once I got the approval letter, I decided I would drive to get the state certification. It was a good thing that I did because they could not get clearance for my police check. I had to drive from Baton Rouge back to New Orleans and try and find where the office was now located. The office had over 6 feet of water. I got lucky, and after the fourth place I checked, I found where they moved to. I was able to get the new police clearance and drive back to Baton Rouge the same day.

The house was coming together and the city improving, I was most anxious to get my little girl. I received an updated picture of Caroline. Lo and behold her hair was in a fountain on top, the very way I had done a friend’s child’s hair so often in hopes of having my own daughter to fix her hair in that fashion - another sign to keep the faith.

The Call to China, to Caroline

I finally received the call that I would be going to China June 1-12, 2006. On June 4, I flew to Hohhot (Inner Mongolia) and met my daughter for the first time. She was crying but much to my surprise I did not cry. I just kept thinking I can’t believe the day is finally here. I had been through so much, but it was so worth it. And she had the fountain hair do when she arrived at the hotel with her nannies. I could literally see the red thread. Elsie and Kristi from Children’s Hope were with me the entire time and guided me through the transition from single woman to Mother. They were an invaluable part of the process in China. Not all agencies provided such attentive care for their parents.

The first evening was emotional. Jia Xue (Caroline) grieved for her nannies and the only life she knew. My heart broke for her. The next day after I paid all the fees I took her to a park near the hotel. I bought a balloon and that turned out to be the ice breaker. We played and laughed and she seemed to realize that I was her “forever” mommy. She started calling me “mama” on the second day and was calling herself “Caroline” by the time we left China. She stuck like glue to me. I thought my heart would burst with pride for being blessed with this beautiful child. She understood English in such a short time and began to speak English within a few short weeks.

We are now regulars at the zoo, aquarium, and children’s museum since they reopened. We went to Disney World for Thanksgiving. She roots for the Saints and wears her cheerleading outfit to each game. Caroline loved her first Mardi Gras catching beads and yelling, “Throw me something, Mister.” We celebrated her third birthday and she will fit into that Easter dress hanging in the closet from last year. We go to Chinese School on Sundays but I am not such a quick learner. Her teacher feels she still has the accent and remembers most of the basic language. And, of course, she is a bright, delightful, little girl.

Her adjustment amazes me. And about her special need, she has hearing in her right ear. We are waiting to go to another specialist at Children’s Hospital to determine a schedule for cosmetic surgery.

There is a lot of rebuilding going on. Some businesses have decided not to rebuild. There are sections in the city that are just green space and others that have not come back at all. My father passed away in October 2006. My mother feels that his last purpose on earth was to see his granddaughter. At 79-years-old my mother is still in a FEMA trailer as are my cousins. Recovery is a slow process I think very few people understand if you are not going through the experience. On February 13, my section of the city was hit by a tornado. We had roof damage and a lot of debris. But I can weather anything after Katrina, adoption and recovery.

I learned so much about life through this “hurricane” experience. I learned to wait in very long lines, to have patience, and to take nothing or anyone for granted. If you have something today, it can be gone tomorrow. I thought adoption was a 1-2-3 process. I had no idea how complicated things could get. I can laugh about it now, because I have Caroline. When I hear her call me “mommy”, it just melts my heart.

We are waiting for the streetcar to start running. I think it will be another 16 months. New Orleans is coming back. It is going to take time. Caroline, my daughter, will be a part of the building process.

--Julie & Caroline Laderer of New Orleans, LA

Published in the Children's Hope Newsletter, Summer 2007