Happy Together: A Colombia Adoption Story

We knew that our brand new sons were all boy the first night we got them, and boy did we learn to relax…FAST. We gave them their first bubble bath with bath toys at the hotel, and you would have thought they were in Disneyland. They were so full of energy and moving around so much that their heads were bouncing off the sides of the ceramic tub like ping pong balls and they never even flinched. As parents, we got headaches, just watching them, and learned to breathe.

Once home, who would have thought that we would find Jhon (then 7) at the very top of the tree in the backyard, make sure Cesar (then 3) didn’t eat the worms from outside, and make sure that Andres (then 14 months) quit riding the dogs like they were horses? There was a new adventure EVERYWHERE!

We were totally prepared for the trials and tribulations that being parents would bring, but could never have dreamed of the joy and entertainment that these boys brought. There is nothing more rewarding than watching Jhon reading a favorite book to his brothers, hearing
Cesar explain that he is the “medium” brother, or hearing Andres proudly introduce his brothers to complete strangers.

There isn’t a word to describe the feeling when being told by the boys that “Mama looks like a princess” or that they want to be strong like Papa when they get big. Now our lives are filled with soccer games, family boating trips, and science projects. Together we’ve mastered bike riding, Playstation, and the relationship between every super hero ever imagined. We are busy and healthy, affectionate and fun, blessed and happy—together. We just celebrated our 2 year adoption anniversary on August 16, 2007. Jhon is now 9 ½, Cesar is 5 ½, and Andres is 3.

—Anne Koch and husband Joe Loehmer adopted brothers Jhon, Cesar,and Andres from Colombia in August 2005.

Not Forgotten: The Adoption Story of Andrew Ellis

Andrew Ellis is the kind of boy no one forgets, especially best friend Xiau Ding. Xiau Ding, protective of Andrew while living in-orphanage, now lives in Ohio, happily adopted. Although he was living within the peace of a loving family, he still worried for his best friend left behind in China.

His new mother contacted Marianne Adams, Children’s Hope Southwest and Arizona regional director, looking for AndrewMarianne put the call out to the Ellis’ who had placed Andrew from the Waiting Child list and were waiting for travel approval.

“At first when she told me this family was looking for him, it kinda scared me,” says Becky, already protective of her precious son. “I was like, ‘Look he’s being adopted!’ But when Marianne explained ‘I think they have a child that knows him,’ the whole thing changed!” Becky laughs. Xiau Ding was happy and relieved to know Andrew had found a home and would be joining him in the United States, for the older boys in the orphanage were known to be rough.

When Becky and Dan arrived there in Changsha Hunan, China, they were bearing gifts and wearing t-shirts imprinted with Andrew’s face. They were nervous. The social worker had prepared them: at night they were to double-check their room locks; some of the older children attempt to run away. They braced themselves, unsure of what to expect.

But when they met eight-year-old Andrew, he came barreling into the room grinning. Before they could even offer him their stowed gifts, he was opening his bag pack to give them their gifts! Andrew had even purchased his maternal grandmother and his godmother gifts as well, jewelry and a small trinket in the shape of a duck. They were to learn later that he had taken his friends out for ice cream during their last night together with the little money he had left of his savings.

After dealing out his gifts, he ran over to Dan and began to stroke his arm. He murmured, “Oh baba, oh baba,” oh father, oh father, in Mandarin. Dan began to cry.

“Which is a good thing,” Becky laughs, “I am an ugly crier and Dan is a pretty crier. I was so scared he wouldn’t want to come home with us after seeing my face contorted with tears!”

A lesson in Chinese checkers later, the family of three went out to eat. At the table the young boy toasted to his new family and prayed.

“You know, they don’t really pray over there, but he took up in his hands a Buddah necklace that was given to him and said a prayer to God, thanking Him for the day.”

Back home, the Ellis’ found their lifestyle drastically changed. They had lost their first son years before and the house was then quiet. Although Andrew was never meant as a replacement, he now fills their house with so much love and laughter.

Becky home schools Andrew. The two of them learn from each other, Andrew English and Becky Mandarin. They laugh when they learn that mountain is sun in Mandarin and sun is mountain. The family cooks together, fixing Tandan—a blessing of egg rolls and dumplings. They laugh as Andrew’s dumplings are made so much better.

Andrew loves hiking with his dog Honey and playing pool. “He can play pool until the cows come home!” says Becky. The Ellis’ live right on top of a mountain. Everyday when he goes down the mountain, Andrew is offered a different view; the sky is always changing. Sometimes on a particularly cloudy day, it is almost as if the other mountains sit like islands in the sky.

“Ooo, mama! Ooo, mama!” Andrew whispers in wonder.

How is life now? “Life is beautiful,” Becky sighs. “Andrew has brought great joy into our hearts. It’s almost hard to even say. ...I don’t know how we ended up with the most wonderful child in the world.”

It’s easy to believe this child is one whom no one will ever forget and everyone is glad he’s made this home into a family.

--Becky, Dan, and Andrew Ellis, NC
Written by Jennifer Newcomb, Children's Hope Communication Coordinator

Icing on the Cake

The greatest thing I’ve learned from the last year is that raising three children from a different world and culture without completely losing your mind is not possible without the grace of God. We wake every morning knowing we are human and rest every night knowing He is not and that He is with us.

John Paul is nine now and has been active at all times since we met him. He is constantly able to interject the subject of food into any conversation. He is extremely intelligent and was on the Honor Roll in his first semester at school. He plays soccer like a pro in the YMCA League and enjoys NASCAR and basketball as well. He reads books whenever he gets the chance, especially when he’s supposed to be doing homework or sleeping. He says he wants to be a teacher when he grows up, but doesn’t want a wife or children because, in his words, “children are too much trouble.” Very perceptive child…

Alisson, who is now eight, enjoys collecting live bugs and trying to sneak them into her room as pets. Her favorite toy is a bug vacuum cleaner. She loves to climb trees. She also loves music. She sleeps covered with stuffed animals and wants us to buy her the live equivalent of each one. I’m not sure where she plans to keep the bears… Pink is her favorite color and she likes to play dress up in Mom’s old gowns. She says she wants to be a house builder when she grows up.

Ethan is a five-year-old cherub who enjoys streaking about the house wearing only a smile. That smile could melt granite but won’t save him if he messes with my remote control again. He is continuously curious and can’t help but dismantle everything he gets his hands on. No interest in reassembly yet... He loves to ride his bike or scooter and loves to play basketball with the neighborhood kids. One night the prettiest five-year-old girl in the neighborhood ate pizza beside him and when she finished he looked at her and said those words every girl longs to hear… “Go wash your face.” What a charmer.

Collectively they are all taller and fuller. They no longer speak or understand Spanish though we are hoping they will relearn it later perhaps in school. Kimberly home schooled all three this summer to get them caught up with math and English (spelled s-o-u-t-h-e-r-n). Ethan has a pronounced drawl already. As with any sibling group they don’t always get along. Each wants all the attention they can get and are willing to do whatever it takes to get it.

As for Kimberly and myself, we have pulses and are breathing. Anything beyond that is icing on the cake. My job as a therapist requires me to try to get 13-15 people who don’t want to do anything to do things they see no reason to do. Kimberly’s job is different only in the number of people. How she does it and creates meals, does laundry, shops, oversees homework, and keeps herself pretty absolutely amazes me. Together we make a great team and are looking forward to many years of parenting these children, OUR children. We miss the news most nights because one or more of the kids is giving us the news from school or tattling on the others. But we really don’t miss the news of the world anymore because we have our own world now and we like it better than the old one.

Brian, Kimberly, John Paul, Allison & Ethan Hibbs, SC

Becoming a Family of Four

In July of 2005, our family traveled to Manizales, Colombia to adopt Andres (age 6). Our son Garrett, eight years old when we met Andres, made the trip to Colombia with us.

Almost from the beginning, and even before Andres could speak a word of English, the two boys pretty much acted like siblings who had lived in the same house all of their lives. It took them both about ten minutes to figure out how to push each other’s buttons, and we did our share of refereeing, both in Colombia and when we returned home. As time has passed, it has been gratifying to see the bond between the boys grow in small, subtle ways. Andres loves his big brother and often tries to do whatever he does (which usually drives Garrett crazy), and Garrett, although he loves to pester his brother at times, can also be a great role model and a gentle teacher.

Like Garrett, Nate and I have, little by little and day by day, grown accustomed to being a family of four. The boys have very different personalities, and it has taken us awhile to figure out that what might have worked with Garrett doesn’t always work so well for Andres. We often comment that sometimes we feel like we take one step forward and two steps back. We try to remind ourselves that Andres had six years of life experience under his belt when we met him, and that our expectations of him and our parenting styles are different from what he had known before. He is a sweet, personable kid who is eager to please and who seems genuinely happy to be a member of our family. We, in turn, have come to love and appreciate his sense of humor, his big smile, and his infectious giggle.

Our time in Colombia was a big part of Andres’ story, and I can’t imagine Garrett not being a part of it with us. We talk often about our journey, and will forever share a common experience that no one else can truly understand. The time we spent with Andres in Colombia, waiting for the adoption to be finalized, was a miniature cross-cultural immersion that helped us better empathize with him when we returned to the United States.

For those of you who may be considering adopting older children, we offer this thought: let love grow on its own timeline. Don’t be surprised if, in your first attempts at parenting a child who does not speak your language (and may not understand your noble attempts at their own), you aren’t overwhelmed with feelings of joy/love/contentment. For a while it may feel like you’re raising someone else’s kid. It’s a bit different than gazing into the eyes of an infant who just studies you and coos.

Overall, we have made great strides in the last few months toward feeling comfortable and content with our life as a family. To all of you who are just starting the adoption process or are preparing to travel soon, we hope and pray for you wisdom, strength, and perhaps even a sedate joy in your waiting.

The Frambach Family, IA
Nate and Diane
Garrett and Andres

My Mother, An Essay Written by an Older China Adoptee

Father and Mother are the greatest and the most holy career in the world. The children who have a father and mother must be the happiest children in the world. No matter if they are poor or rich, the parents are always ready, giving all their love to their children, no matter whether the children are their own or adopted.

I have a great mother. She adopted my sister, my brother and me from China. Even though three of the children are not her biological children, she gives all her love to these three Chinese children.

My mother is very beautiful. She has brown hair, and bright meaningful eyes. She has a big high nose. She is very tall and slim. My mother takes very good care of me in everyday. I have been eating Chinese food since I came to America because my mother worries I am not used to the food here. The Chinese food my mother makes is very tasty.

At night, I feel scared, so my mother sleeps with me. Whatever I want, my mother always buys them for me. Sometimes I feel I am asking too much, it is not right. But my mother always understands and comforts me all the time. When I saw some white hairs coming out from my mother’s beautiful hair, I felt very sad because she works too hard for us. So in the daily life, I wish I could do something to make my mother happy and try my best to help her. I am fully grateful to my mother. Here in America, I can really enjoy Mother’s love, which I have never had in my life.

I love my mother and love her big heart.

--YaLi Wahlstrom, WI

After being in the United States for about a month, YaLi was asked by her teacher in Madison, Wisconsin, to write an essay on “The most important person in your life”. Her essay was translated from Chinese to English.