The "Call": A China Adoption Story

The anticipation can be excruciating. You hurry, hurry, hurry to get all your paperwork completed for your very important dossier and then you wait…wait and wait some more.

When adopting internationally, getting “the call” makes for a very memorable day. First you cry, then you ask for specifics about your child, then you call your spouse and/or family members and then you wait again. The referral package will come to you with wonderful pictures and medical information on your child. Whew!! Now that is over; when do I get to travel??

I can remember this day like it was yesterday. I received two ‘calls’: one when we adopted our first daughter from China in 1996 and then again when I adopted her sister in 1998. But this story is not about my ‘call’. On November 5, 2007, some very dear friends of mine got “the call”. Since they live in St. Louis, the whole family came into Children’s Hope headquarters to get their referral.

They did have to wait though. The medical had to be translated and other paperwork made ready before they could actually come in to see their beautiful daughter. It was only a couple of hours, but I am sure it seemed like a century.

How did this all start, you ask? Dear friends Karen and Curt Miller, along with their daughter Lauren, had just returned from China with their little girl and sister, Katie in May 2005. This family goes to my church and their daughter is in my daughter’s class. When they began their adoption process, the wait time from paperwork submission to referral was 6-9 months. Tom and Jeannette Eskridge were so smitten by Katie that they started the process, too. Tom and Jeanette have two sons, Kevin and Connor, and they wanted a little girl to complete their family.

For those who know, it’s not necessary to say - the wait time kept getting longer, longer and longer. I would see them at church and they would ask if I had heard anything. Even though I work at Children’s Hope International, I couldn’t tell them when they would get their referral - I did not know! Like Karen and Curt before me, I would have to say, “Just wait. God will bring your daughter when it is meant to be.”

I could always see the sad and frustrating looks on their faces when I told them this. When Tom and Jeanette started the process, the wait time was 7-9 months. Their paperwork was received and entered in China’s system on December 5, 2005. December 2006 came and went and they still had no referral. I think the wait for their baby sister was just as difficult for the boys. They were 9 and 12 years old when they began thinking about having a baby sister in the house, so they were old enough to have the same anticipation as their parents.

It got to the point when the wait was almost unbearable since everyone always asks, “When will you bring your daughter home?” This question is always said with good intentions, but when you have lots of friends and family asking, it can seem like you get asked every 10 minutes. Tom and Jeanette decided to try and relax and not talk about it very much. This is the typical course of action if you want to keep your sanity while waiting.

The first Sunday in November, I attended a baby shower for the family along with lots of friends from church, the kids’ school, and her friends and family. Yeah, you can guess what everyone was asking: “When will you get ‘the call’?”

As it turns out - the very next day. On November 5, 2007, exactly 23 months from their paperwork submission to China, the Eskridges received their referral of their daughter Kayla.

I was so thrilled; I couldn’t wait for them to come in to see her picture. They pulled the boys out of school and came into the office to ‘get their referral’! As you can see in the pictures, it was exciting for everyone.

Tom, Jeanette, Kevin and Connor traveled to China over the Christmas holidays and came home with Kayla on December 29, 2007. Most people wouldn’t want to be away from their families at Christmas, but what better Christmas present could you have than to be finally holding your precious daughter that you waited so long for?

Congratulations to my dear friends!

-- Pam Bischoff works for Children’s Hope International in

the St. Louis Office.

"The Call", Waiting for a Sister and a Daughter from China

Two years ago on April 18th, our phone rang with some of the most wonderful news! It was referral day for our family and several others...on this day we first heard about a little baby just 10-months-old waiting for us in Fuling, China—a city we had never heard of, but now knew held a very special piece of our hearts.

It was the day before my husband’s birthday and I was home checking emails when I started to notice referral announcements starting to come. I called him and told him that he might want to come home a little early. Although he didn't make it before the phone call, both of our sons were here and very excited about their new baby sister.

Dianne Atteberry from the Kansas City office, as soon as I picked up the phone, said, “IT'S A GIRL!” She shared with me the beautiful name given to our daughter—Fu (name from the orphanage, means blessed) Ai (love) Yu (canopy of heaven). Our daughter’s name truly means what we felt then and what we still feel now....blessed, loved under the canopy of heaven!

From that amazing day until now, I have seen a very beautiful, quiet little baby turn into a beautiful, very talkative, very active little girl. We have been blessed to have seen and experienced a lot of her "firsts"—her first time crawling, her first steps, and her first words. I tell people often that I am so amazed at what she has been able to do in just a little over a year and a half. She can crawl, walk, jump, talk, color, sing, eat, play with EVERYONE, almost completely dress herself, put her shoes on the correct feet, go potty and she thinks she is a third grader! She goes into her big brother’s class and they have a chair her size, she hangs up her coat, and sits down waiting for the pledge and then proceeds to color or read a book. If we happen to be there when it is time to take the class to the restroom or go out for recess or lunch, she will line up just like them. It is very fun to watch!

I hate that we missed the first smile, the first tooth, the first roll over and the first time she sat up by herself, but truly feel blessed to have experienced everything else! To CHI, thank you doesn't seem to be enough to say to each of you for helping us bring our daughter home! Our family is complete and we are blessed to have had such wonderful people holding our hands and walking with us through this process.

For those of you waiting for "the call", it will come!!! I'm sorry each of you has to wait so long, but know that it is so worth it!

--Crystal Kovach, MO
The Kovach's blog: http://afterchina.blogspot.com/

The Journey Home: A Colombian Adoption Story

What a journey it has been. Little did we know how our lives would be changed during the month of October 2006—the month we finalized the adoption of a Colombian sibling group of three. It has been a time of joy, confusion, fear, exhilaration, praise, blessing, and exhaustion. It has been worth it all. Our month in Bogotá was fantastic and the help and support from the Colombian staff was outstanding. Julie Eagleson, Children’s Hope Latin America Program Director, also came to town during our stay in Bogotá, and she was a tremendous help.

Upon returning to the States, we enrolled our oldest two, Cristian (9) and María (8), into school. We live near and enrolled in a Spanish immersion school to help them retain their language and help in their transition. Our family members keep wondering when the kids will be fluent English speakers. We remind them “in time, be patient” and that smiles, hugs and kisses say a lot even if they don’t know any Spanish.

It’s amazing to think that it has only been four months since we arrived back into the States with our children. It sometimes feels like they have been a part of us forever. We just fit together and truly believe this was all a part of God’s plan. At first we had our hearts set on a baby but felt God moving us in another direction, and we are so glad that we listened to His nudging.

Now, don’t get me wrong. Every moment is not perfect, and it’s not all hugs, kisses and laughs. But every temper tantrum, nose bleed, middle-of-the-night wake up call from a sick child, longer-than-needs-to-be cry, and so on, are all overtaken by the fact that these children are our children, and they bring out in us a love we have never experienced before. And, honestly, when I come home from work and my littlest runs up to me with outstretched arms and says, “Mommy!” and my oldest says, “Mommy, how was your day?” and my middle one gives me a hug and a kiss, nothing else matters in this world. Then at night when we go to bed and give each other hugs and kisses and say good night, again, nothing else matters. I am reminded how blessed we are to now have a family of five with the most beautiful children in the world.

--Aaron, Renée, Cristian, María, and Brigit Sweeden, Kansas City, MO

Published in the Children's Hope Newsletter, Summer 2007

Thank You from the Eaker's, China Adoption

We adopted Kara Ming from the Duchang orphanage in Jianxi province China in November of 2003. She has been a blessing and joy in our lives and we are LID November 8, 2005 for Mei-mei Sara (mei-mei is Chinese for little sister).

Our experience has been wonderful with Children's Hope and we anticipate the same for this next adoption. Kara is so excited and we look forward to her meeting her new sister soon. Children’s Hope has been with us from the beginning and will continue to be a large part of our lives. We could never make it through all this without all you all do. I feel very fortunate to have met and gotten to know all the families and staff of Children's Hope both in Kansas City and in China.

--Mark and Katherine Eaker, MO, China adoptive family

Green Light Go!--Russia Adoption of a Child with Hearing Impairment

When Hans Denis Graser was born, he was delivered with fluid in his lungs. Doctors in Russia diagnosed pneumonia and administered the appropriate antibiotic treatment. The drug’s effective dose was to be given over a period of time gradually, but in error the drug’s full dose was given all at once. In little Hans, the resulting action caused nerve deafness.

As is the custom for orphans in his region, Hans stayed in a baby hospital his first year, completely deaf and unable to hear. Ninety-nine percent of his life was spent in his crib and the little boy was given one diaper change a day. Upon graduation from the baby hospital, Hans moved to a “baby house” where he was unlikely to be adopted. His caretakers labeled him severely deaf and developmentally delayed.

“I’ve always thought Special Needs strictly meant mentally and physically handicapped kids,” says Heidi Graser, new mom to adorable “Jack” a.k.a. Hans Denis Graser.

“When I found out Russia considers deafness, cleft lip and cleft palate, burns, and things of that nature as special needs, I thought, ‘Those are not special needs! Those are fixable, workable maladies.’”

As a single prospective mother, Heidi took all this into consideration. Although it would mean additional personal attention, the more minor special needs Heidi felt she can handle. She applied to Children’s Hope International on December 1, 2005, choosing her country, region, age range, and the special needs she was open to. Her main goal—to find the one child with the slimmest chances of finding a home. She told her adoption coordinator, “I’m very well traveled. Send me where people don’t want to go because it is too far away.” She had the place—Vladivostok, nine hours by plane from Moscow.

Within the region she selected, Jack was the only child under 3 years of age afflicted with any of the special needs she was open to.

For Russia, you travel twice: once to see the child and verify your decision to adopt; the second, to attend court and finalize the process. Heidi began her first trip on April 13. Before leaving she took every single day, thinking, “Do I go or not go.”

“It wasn’t so much, ‘Is he right for me?’ but ‘Am I right for him?’”

Although she hoped it would not be necessary, knowing she had options was a great relief; if she and Jack were not a match, she could always return to the States and await another referral.

“I was prepared for Jack to be stone cold deaf. I had to get into that mental state before I traveled on that first trip.” What if it was more than she could handle? Would it matter if he could never hear her? What if the orphanage did not disclose his entire medical history and his development delay was due to another cause?

Heidi had never known anyone with a hearing impairment. Filled with doubt she consulted her adoption coordinator, family and friends. Talking through it got Heidi through it.

“We’d set up a pro and con list. He might just need hearing aids or implants, and we can always use sign language. We always had one or two positives to knock out the negatives.” Heidi explains, “You have to wrap your mind around it. My sister is pregnant right now, high risk. And I realized I could’ve given birth to a child with a hearing impairment or a child with a cleft lip. Would I love them any less? No, of course not, he or she would still be my child.”

In her first couple of days in Moscow, Heidi was overwhelmed with how to communicate with Jack. When he looked in her eyes and she in his, she saw there was no need to worry.

On the third day, after holding him emotionally at arms length, Heidi fell under Jack’s spell. Five months later she returned and took him home as her son.

“It’s so much easier than I ever thought it would be. That I was scared to even go meet him...seems silly now. It was the fear of the unknown.”

Now Heidi knows the unspeakable joy a child can bring. Tears well up in her eyes when she speaks of how Jack loves her. Communication is no problem. “He talks to me; he tells me what he wants. We communicate with looking in each other’s eyes, giving hugs, with kisses and pointing.

“Seeing a smile on his face is the best action without words. That’s how he says, ‘You’re mine.’”

Developmentally, Jack caught up quickly when given personal attention. Although his caregivers in Russia meant well, they never knew his potential. Jack is already developmentally on track with other kids his age.

Heidi’s pediatrician referred her to a multitude of resources for a child with special needs including home care, special tutors, First Steps, and Parents as Teachers. Jack now attends the St. Joseph Institute for the Deaf in St. Louis and sees professionals in audiology and ENT.

By the time Jack came home, Heidi had studied sign language. Jack picked up many words within their first month together. At first he stumbled down the stretch of her hallway, but now Jack runs giggling. After three months at home, he has been fitted for hearing aids in both ears.

“When they put the hearing aids in I wasn’t expecting him to hear anything. Snapping fingers, water—every little bit that he can hear is like a miracle to me.”

These aids work in preparation for the cochlear implants he will receive by April or May of 2007, the all important surgery which will effectively replace the nerve that was damaged upon his birth. Amazingly, Jack’s surgery is covered 100% by Heidi’s insurance and her employer is covering all deductibles.

Jack will have the opportunity to be everything he is meant to be.

“I’m looking forward to the day when Jack calls me ‘Momma’, but when that kid comes running across the room to give me a kiss, holding both sides of my face—that is better than any “Momma” word ever. We share a bond that is unbreakable.”

--Heidi Graser, MO
Written by Jennifer Newcomb, Children's Hope Communications Coordinator