Executive Summary: Almost Home From Russia

Greetings from Moscow! The Chaffin family arrived this morning from the overnight train from Cheboksary. It is odd to think that coming to Moscow is one step closer to home. We have gotten to know little Mitchell Anton better, and he us. We have had an enriching cultural experience as we eat where Russians eat, shop where Russians shop, go to Internet cafes Russians frequent, etc. After getting the U.S. Embassy immigration work done this week we will be flying home on Sunday the 23rd as planned and take our tour of Red Square tomorrow.

After my last update, several of you suggested that in lieu of the Twelve Days of Christmas, Ward and I were experiencing the Twelve Days of Mitchell Anton as we waited out the court's mandatory holding period in a hotel with a two-year-old. So, without further adieu, I give you the Twelve Days of Mitchell Anton:

Day 1 - one little boy in the family. This was a quiet day at the hotel, where we learned about each other and how to play with our new toys.

Day 2 - two new parents and Mitchell Anton is going a little easy on us, seemingly happy just exploring the hotel room and hallway, and eating hotel food without complaint.

Day 3 - three soiled onesies. Yes, we are 3 for 3 in destroying each outfit worn every day. We bundled up and ventured outside but for only a few minutes, as it is very cold.

Day 4 - four fabric blocks. Earlier this week, Ward bought Mitchell Anton some fabric blocks at the nearby Mega Mall. Today we strapped him in the Baby Bjorn and walked to the mall. He was unfazed and we were thrilled to get out of the hotel.

Day 5 - five stacking rings. Today Mitchell Anton found his voice. His babbling is newly incessant and even loud at times. Most of it is in conjunction with horseplay, literally. He got a toy horse in his first McDonald's Happy Meal.

Day 6 - six ounces of milk. Mitchell Anton drank a small glass of milk today, and seemed to like it so we'll try more soon. This was another quiet day as we happily contemplated that we reached the halfway point of our Russian adventure and have less than a week before we return to Moscow.

Day 7 - seven times a day on average that one of us says "Ya Ni Pinimayo Parrusske," meaning "I don't understand Russian." Then we either point, pantomine or smile dumbly.

Day 8 - eight hours in a regular workshift. Ward and I now do everything in shifts. We eat in shifts, we dress in shifts. However, this shift runs 24/7. The good news is that Mitchell Anton is acting like a normal two-year-old. The bad news is that he is acting like a normal two-year-old.

Day 9 - nine times the same waitress has waited on us at the hotel restaurant. It is called Star Magazine and the food is good.

Day 10 - ten degrees Farenheit has been the average temperature excluding wind chill while we've been in Cheboksary, or at least it feels that way. As Lena, our driver, said in a most understated fashion, "It is very cold in Russia."

Day 11 - eleven points awarded for miracle shot. In basketball, a shooter gets 1 point for a free throw, 2 points for making a shot, and 3 points for a made shot beyond a certain distance. Since it is Day 11 Ward and I decided to award Mitchell Anton 11 points for his shot whereby he flung a piece of bread into my beer mug at dinner tonight. It was an amazing shot. We had authentic Russian cuisine at a restaurant NOT in our hotel to celebrate our last night in Chuvashia (Ward says thumbs up on the borscht).

Day 12 - twelve days of waiting at an end. We are thrilled to be traveling to Moscow tonight after the adoption court documents are processed, but it is bittersweet for MA as he is leaving the place of his birth.

We will let you know that we have safely arrived home, still planning on the 23rd in the evening on Delta. Blessings to you all as you prepare for Christmas.

--Lynn, Ward, and Mitchell Anton Chaffin, currently in Russia, soon home to Tennessee

Daddy's Girl: Attachment and China Adoption Story

We had waited almost two years for this moment. I was only able to sleep for a few hours the night before. My husband Lance, our 9-year-old daughter Madeleine, and I were in Changsha, China to hold our little Leah for the first time.

After a twenty minute bus ride, we arrived at the Changsha Adoption Center. We were ushered into a large waiting room where all of our adoption group took seats around the perimeter of the room. Soon after, Chinese women carrying babies began coming in the door. As our adoption coordinators started calling family names, I looked across the room and saw a woman holding Leah.

I recognized her instantly from her referral pictures. As we waited for our name to be called, I was brought to tears as others in our group received their babies. When our name was finally called, Leah was brought to us by her nanny and handed to me.

Leah immediately started bawling. After about fifteen minutes of hard crying, she fell asleep in my arms. Our joy was slightly clouded as we watched the display of grief in Leah’s nanny. She could not stop crying as she watched us with Leah. We were told that she and Leah were strongly attached.

When we arrived back at the hotel room, Leah had awakened and was crying again. In the next two hours, she latched on to Lance, and would not let him go. She would not let me hold her or come close to her. I was not at all prepared for this rejection. I had never even considered it as a possibility. I told myself that all would be well the next day.

After a night of sleep, she once again only wanted Lance. We had to make another trip back to the Adoption Center to take our oath and legalize the adoption. It was hard to watch all the other moms holding their babies in the lobby, on the bus and at the Center, while I could only watch Lance hold Leah. When we returned back to the hotel, I was an emotional disaster. On top of my sadness, I began to feel a little angry at the situation.

How could this happen? How could my baby not want me? I had already successfully mothered Maddie, whose love for me is immeasurable. How could this happen?

That night I knew I needed help, so I made a long distance phone call to Brenda Barker, the Southeast Director of Children’s Hope. She explained to me that Leah was rejecting me simply because I was a female. Leah was not ready to trust another woman, given that the female she had always loved and trusted had just left her. Lance was different from her nanny on all counts, so Leah felt that maybe he was a safe bet.

Brenda told me what to do to get in Leah’s good graces. I should be the one to do the fun things, the things that she liked. If there were things that she didn’t like, let Lance handle those. She wanted me to always be the one to feed Leah, even if Lance had to hold her while I fed her. Lastly, Brenda said that we would see a different girl in three days.

She was right…each day Leah looked less sad, cried less and allowed me to get a little bit closer. By the end of the week, we were starting to see Leah’s happy personality shine through. Her eyes came alive. Leah then finally allowed me to hold her. It was pure heaven!

By the time we came home, I felt rather foolish for having worried. Lance had been so wonderful through it all. Leah is now playful, silly, bright, sweet and very loving but most of all we are grateful that Leah had a nanny who loved her fiercely and who taught her how to love.

--Amy Wilson, Tennessee

A Daughter Who Knows Who She Is

May is a special month for me. Not only is it Mother's Day Month, but it is also "gotcha" month for us. This is our fourth year with our special daughter, Gracie Jo-Ning Bryan, whom we adopted from the Hunan Province of China. We have talked about adoption and told Gracie the story of how we got her since she was about 2 years old. Last week, I saw how much that talking has paid off.

Gracie attends preschool at the local elementary school and a little girl in her class told her that I wasn't her "real mommy". Gracie very kindly replied, "Oh, yes, she is my real mommy... Another lady in China had me in her tummy and she couldn't take care of me, but loved me so much that she let my parents adopt me!" The little girl continued to argue with her, but Gracie never got upset, nor did she back down. In line for school the next day, she asked the little girl to talk to me about the previous discussion. She even tried to argue with me, but we both stayed calm, smiled and moved on.

My daughter really knows who she is...and can handle comments with grace and I am so thankful. She understands now that some people just don't "know".

I think our reactions to situations will truly influence how our children react. Education is such an asset...even if you think they can't understand. My four-year-old acted very mature in this case!

Attached is a photo of us the first summer we had her, a photo with her favorite blanket that we gave her the night we got her and a photo of her simply enjoying the wind in her face!! For those of you waiting, it is so worth it!!!

--Gracie's Mama, Amy Bryan Rhett, Amy and Gracie Bryan, TN