In spring 2005, while on my daughters’ municipality web site, I noticed a photo of a girl who had a very strong resemblance to my daughter Hayley, especially since Hayley does not posses the regional look common for that area. Leah’s mother had also noticed the resemblance between the two girls and we contacted each other. For the next 17 months we sent photos, emails and videos of the girls to each other. We also talked on the phone but never mentioned our suspicions to the girls that they could be related. For the longest time whenever Hayley saw Leah’s picture via email she thought it was herself. Hayley’s younger sister would point to the photo of Leah on the computer screen and say “sissy”.We were cautious in thinking that the girls could possibly be siblings. We knew if we were actually lucky enough to find our child’s sibling there would be many issues involved in the discovery and what it means to them, to our family and the sibling’s family. This would be a long term commitment. You do not get to choose the family that has adopted your child’s sibling. It may or may not be a compatible match between the families. Once you’ve made the connection, you can’t go back and pretend not to “know”. We had to consider how our children would feel about the discovery of the relationship and, in our case, how Hayley’s other sibling would feel about this relationship.
There are also significant financial and lifestyle concerns with finding a sibling and maintaining the relationship. DNA testing is not an exact science when it comes to establishing sibling-ship when you can not test at least one biological parent. You need to be able to live with less than 100% conclusive results and accept negative results with grace. There are many skeptics when it comes to finding biological matches and many parents have been attacked for choosing to test their child. Both families took the responsibility very seriously and discussed many issues before proceeding with the DNA testing of the girls, including what score from the DNA results we would consider conclusive, and we set the bar high. I also did research on DNA testing and talked with other families that had also found their child’s’ Chinese sibling before embarking on this journey. This journey is not for everyone.Both families felt comfortable with going ahead with the DNA testing of the girls after establishing a relationship over the past 17 months. Family members also saw striking resemblances between the girls, not only in their appearance but in their personalities, likes and dislikes. We chose a lab that tested 19 markers using the specific Asian Database from the region that they are from. After a LONG two week wait in May the DNA testing was 98.2% conclusive that the girls are siblings! The girls birth days are eight days apart (one actual and one estimated because one daughter was given up one month after birth) so currently we know that they are sisters but feel comfortable in thinking that they are fraternal twins. It will take additional testing to conclude that. The girls refer to each other as “sissy”. Both families were thrilled with the news! I knew in my heart that the girls were sisters. We feel blessed to know that Hayley has another sister from China and both families have made the commitment to nurture this relationship.
A trip was arranged to have Hayley and Leah meet in September 2006. Leah’s mom had asked Leah what she wanted to do with Hayley when she came to Ohio and Leah said, “Take her to see Lake Erie and JUMP on my bed!” When I asked Hayley what she wanted to do while in Ohio (not knowing Leah’s response) she said, “Have a pillow fight!”The girls chatted excitedly on the phone about the upcoming trip. Hayley made a countdown calendar to count down the days until “Sissy Day!” When Hayley and Leah met for the first time in Ohio they hugged, giggled, chased each other and ran through the airport like they were best of friends and that they had known each other forever. The six days that Hayley and I spent in Ohio with Leah and her family was the beginning of a wonderful, blessed journey for both families. The girls acted silly, sang songs, had tea parties, wrestled, jumped on the bed, had their pillow fight and got to know each other.
We were amazed at the similarities between the two girls but also saw some differences. Both families got along very well and Hayley and I were welcomed in to Leah’s family with open arms. We were lucky enough to meet Leah’s extended family and friends while we were there and everyone was excited and happy for the girls. It was fun trying to trick family and friends by swapping Hayley for Leah! Strangers would ask if the girls were twins.
Saying goodbye at the airport was met with sadness as the girls wrestled one more time, pretended to call each other on the pay phones, said their “I love you’s” and hugged goodbye.
Since we have been home the girls have remained in contact with each other, they talk on the phone, send each other emails and pictures and think of each other often. Hayley really wants to go back to Ohio to play in the snow. The girls have a bond that will last a lifetime and it has only just begun to blossom. It is a true miracle and double blessing that the girls have been reunited with each other once again.
–Kathy Wong, AZ
