In July of 2005, our family traveled to Manizales, Colombia to adopt Andres (age 6). Our son Garrett, eight years old when we met Andres, made the trip to Colombia with us.Almost from the beginning, and even before Andres could speak a word of English, the two boys pretty much acted like siblings who had lived in the same house all of their lives. It took them both about ten minutes to figure out how to push each other’s buttons, and we did our share of refereeing, both in Colombia and when we returned home. As time has passed, it has been gratifying to see the bond between the boys grow in small, subtle ways. Andres loves his big brother and often tries to do whatever he does (which usually drives Garrett crazy), and Garrett, although he loves to pester his brother at times, can also be a great role model and a gentle teacher.
Like Garrett, Nate and I have, little by little and day by day, grown accustomed to being a family of four. The boys have very different personalities, and it has taken us awhile to figure out that what might have worked with Garrett doesn’t always work so well for Andres. We often comment that sometimes we feel like we take one step forward and two steps back. We try to remind ourselves that Andres had six years of life experience under his belt when we met him, and that our expectations of him and our parenting styles are different from what he had known before. He is a sweet, personable kid who is eager to please and who seems genuinely happy to be a member of our family. We, in turn, have come to love and appreciate his sense of humor, his big smile, and his infectious giggle.
Our time in Colombia was a big part of Andres’ story, and I can’t imagine Garrett not being a part of it with us. We talk often about our journey, and will forever share a common experience that no one else can truly understand. The time we spent with Andres in Colombia, waiting for the adoption to be finalized, was a miniature cross-cultural immersion that helped us better empathize with him when we returned to the United States.
For those of you who may be considering adopting older children, we offer this thought: let love grow on its own timeline. Don’t be surprised if, in your first attempts at parenting a child who does not speak your language (and may not understand your noble attempts at their own), you aren’t overwhelmed with feelings of joy/love/contentment. For a while it may feel like you’re raising someone else’s kid. It’s a bit different than gazing into the eyes of an infant who just studies you and coos.
Overall, we have made great strides in the last few months toward feeling comfortable and content with our life as a family. To all of you who are just starting the adoption process or are preparing to travel soon, we hope and pray for you wisdom, strength, and perhaps even a sedate joy in your waiting.
The Frambach Family, IA
Nate and Diane
Garrett and Andres
