We had waited almost two years for this moment. I was only able to sleep for a few hours the night before. My husband Lance, our 9-year-old daughter Madeleine, and I were in Changsha, China to hold our little Leah for the first time.After a twenty minute bus ride, we arrived at the Changsha Adoption Center. We were ushered into a large waiting room where all of our adoption group took seats around the perimeter of the room. Soon after, Chinese women carrying babies began coming in the door. As our adoption coordinators started calling family names, I looked across the room and saw a woman holding Leah.
I recognized her instantly from her referral pictures. As we waited for our name to be called, I was brought to tears as others in our group received their babies. When our name was finally called, Leah was brought to us by her nanny and handed to me.
Leah immediately started bawling. After about fifteen minutes of hard crying, she fell asleep in my arms. Our joy was slightly clouded as we watched the display of grief in Leah’s nanny. She could not stop crying as she watched us with Leah. We were told that she and Leah were strongly attached.
When we arrived back at the hotel room, Leah had awakened and was crying again. In the next two hours, she latched on to Lance, and would not let him go. She would not let me hold her or come close to her. I was not at all prepared for this rejection. I had never even considered it as a possibility. I told myself that all would be well the next day.After a night of sleep, she once again only wanted Lance. We had to make another trip back to the Adoption Center to take our oath and legalize the adoption. It was hard to watch all the other moms holding their babies in the lobby, on the bus and at the Center, while I could only watch Lance hold Leah. When we returned back to the hotel, I was an emotional disaster. On top of my sadness, I began to feel a little angry at the situation.
How could this happen? How could my baby not want me? I had already successfully mothered Maddie, whose love for me is immeasurable. How could this happen?
That night I knew I needed help, so I made a long distance phone call to Brenda Barker, the Southeast Director of Children’s Hope. She explained to me that Leah was rejecting me simply because I was a female. Leah was not ready to trust another woman, given that the female she had always loved and trusted had just left her. Lance was different from her nanny on all counts, so Leah felt that maybe he was a safe bet.
Brenda told me what to do to get in Leah’s good graces. I should be the one to do the fun things, the things that she liked. If there were things that she didn’t like, let Lance handle those. She wanted me to always be the one to feed Leah, even if Lance had to hold her while I fed her. Lastly, Brenda said that we would see a different girl in three days.
She was right…each day Leah looked less sad, cried less and allowed me to get a little bit closer. By the end of the week, we were starting to see Leah’s happy personality shine through. Her eyes came alive. Leah then finally allowed me to hold her. It was pure heaven!By the time we came home, I felt rather foolish for having worried. Lance had been so wonderful through it all. Leah is now playful, silly, bright, sweet and very loving but most of all we are grateful that Leah had a nanny who loved her fiercely and who taught her how to love.
--Amy Wilson, Tennessee
